a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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