Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
