Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
