its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
