There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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