she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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