If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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