Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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