dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
