She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
