I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
