We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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