i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You are the jesus of drinking
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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