I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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