did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
