Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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