overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
