he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
