do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
