Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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