best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
