why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
