The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
