i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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