I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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