Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
