She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
