She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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