Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
