Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
