Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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