did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
