We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
