Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
