I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
