Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
