eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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