i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
