i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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