I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
