I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
