what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
