You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she peed on how many people?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
