you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
