when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have feelings that need drinking.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
