watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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