id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
