hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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