Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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