I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
